Emperor Ezor
by FunkyWashingMachine
Summary: Ezor becomes the new emperor after winning the next Kral Zera, and boy does she have a bucket list.


"The flame is lit. Bow to your emperor."

The commotion halted. Everyone looked to the torch.

There stood Ezor, flame in hand, Kral Zera lit.

"When did you get here?" Sendak growled beside her.

"Hey," she smirked. "A magician never reveals her secrets."

"Emperor Zarkon would NEVER have approved your rule!"

"Too bad," Ezor said. "I lit your little torch thing and now I'm the emperor. The old guy says so."

She descended the stairs to her new constituents.

The witch was among them. She glared at Acxa.

"That's not the candidate I paid you to endorse."

Acxa didn't seem to have a response to that.

When Ezor came closer, the witch pulled her aside.

"I hope you know what a _dangerous_ thing it is that you've just done."

Ezor shrugged off the witch's hand.

"My lovely new citizens!" she called out. "Are you all part of the Galra Empire, or _aren't_ you? So maybe I'm not your favorite. But are you really gonna question the Archivist's judgment? Is he really the guy you wanna disgrace?"

There was a pause, then a few murmurs of accord.

"This is the ARCHIVIST we're talking about!" Ezor said. "None of this is about me or you – it's about HIS decision! And who's REALLY more important here, US, or the oldest living relic of the Galra Empire? Give him a hand, folks!"

The voices grew stronger.

Ezor smirked briefly at the witch.

"May I have… a word with the new emperor," Acxa pushed past her and took Ezor aside.

Away from the witch, they lowered their voices.

"Ezor, this wasn't part of the plan!"

"Is that any way to speak to your new emperor? As her number one trusted advisor, no less."

"What?" Zethrid hissed. "What about ME?"

"You're my number TWO trusted advisor."

"Well. Thanks."

"Sorry, I love you, but Acxa's just a bit smarter than you are."

"You know, this isn't making me feel any better."

"Or me," said Acxa.

"We'll talk logistics later," Ezor whispered, before turning to the rest of the crowd. "Okay, first order as emperor," she declared. "We're having a party aboard the flagship, but only the cool people are invited." She pointed to the Archivist. "This guy can come."

Acxa whispered something into her ear.

"And we'll also want one volunteer who doesn't particularly like us. There's gonna be frosted Tarwegian sticky buns and shikadi tonic. Also it's an intergalactic holiday. And if we're all on good terms this time NEXT year," she said, "then ALL of you will be invited to the next Ezor Day party."

The crowd exchanged glances.

"Second decree," Ezor said. "Who's taking notes?"

The Archivist waved a hand.

"I'll remember."

"Great. Second decree, I'm gonna need a really awesome cape. Crown is optional but I really need a cape." She turned to the witch. "Who's your tailor?"

The witch scowled.

"Dead."

"Okay," Ezor said to the crowd. "So, the first person to bring me a suitably-awesome cape gets a prize. It's probably gonna be booze. And Zethrid," she turned to her, "I'm putting you in charge of picking out our new kitten."

Acxa sighed into her hand.

* * *

It was a while before they felt assured they were alone.

"I think it's time to talk logistics now," Acxa said.

"Sounds good," Ezor said. "What's up?"

Acxa seemed at a loss for words.

"Just… what are you _thinking?_ We don't have a plan, and we don't have any backup."

"We have a whole bunch of GALAXIES now."

"Ezor. The witch has Sendak, and Sendak has support all across the empire. They're going to try to kill us."

"I know that. But this is also the best position we've ever been in. And yeah we'll have to fight to defend it, but we've NEVER had resources like this before. Zethrid – as my number two most trusted advisor, you have my leave to pulverize anyone who tries any funny stuff."

"Oh, I was gonna do that anyway," Zethrid said.

"This wasn't part of the plan," Acxa said again. Ezor reached for her hand, but she moved it away.

"Acxa… did you REALLY wanna put Sendak on the throne? You know the witch is just gonna dump us when she gets what she wants. But I actually LIKE you guys and I'm never dumping you."

"That's not the point."

"Are you gonna look me in the eye and tell me you've never wanted something like this?"

Acxa didn't.

* * *

The shikadi tonic was running freely at the party.

Their volunteer who didn't particularly like them, Ranveig, was there to test the food for poison. They wrote off his passing out as an effect of that much tonic and not an attempted murder.

"You know what else Vrig the Great did?" the Archivist said, leaning over the table. "He once clogged his toilet while giving his top commander a swirly, then blamed it on his pet schmoofpop."

"Awesome," Ezor snorted, swirling her glass. "You got any stories about Zarkon?"

The Archivist hiccupped.

"My emperor, I have ten thousand YEARS of stories about Zarkon."

"Start with the funniest."

"One time he mistook a packet of photon dye for a sustenance unit and threw up in three different colors for a week."

"What colors?"

"Pink, turquoise, and mazzamar."

"Ew."

"Yes, I nearly threw up MYSELF."

Zethrid banged a cup on the table.

"More Zarkon stories!"

The Archivist swayed a little bit.

"Many years ago, Emperor Zarkon got completely shlokkered and sang a love song to a potted plant."

"Did he have a good singing voice?" Ezor asked.

"Legally he required me to say yes."

"So how about Lotor?" Ezor said. "You got any dirt on mister shortest-tenure-as-emperor?"

"Actually there was a shorter one," said the Archivist. "Flemok the Accident-Prone."

"Pff. So what happened to HIM?"

"He was brutally murdered by a rival twenty dobashes after the Kral Zera."

"Oh. Shit."

Zethrid waved her glass.

"Well WE know more embarrassing stories about Lotor than this guy EVER will," she brayed. "Like that time with the shoelaces!"

Acxa frowned.

"You know he wouldn't want you to talk about that."

"Oh come on, it was HILARIOUS."

Acxa took a sip of tonic.

"You know I don't allow party-pooping in my new empire," Ezor thumped her on the shoulder.

"A wise decision," said the Archivist. "Perhaps you've heard the stories of Shandar the Party Pooper."

"No, what did HE do?"

"He pooped parties until he died, and he was so miserable all his life that when he was dead, his face was exactly the same."

"Gross," Ezor grimaced. She pushed another glass toward Acxa.

* * *

"Okay, I know what you're thinking, but as your second-most-trusted advisor, I think we need all of them," Zethrid said amid her entourage.

"Motion accepted," Ezor said. "So, who do we have here?"

Zethrid held up a hand with an arboreal creature clinging on.

"We have Buffle the Sartonian kanzu, who likes holding onto your fingers and going for a ride."

She unwrapped a fluffy snake from her neck.

"And we have Mooka, who gives soft hugs."

Then she indicated a large hoofed animal on a lead.

"And Morgle here makes really cute 'whuff' sounds. They also had a buy-one-get-one free sale on the Kalteneckers, so I got us a couple of those."

"Zethrid, I'm the emperor now, we don't have to PAY for things."

Acxa didn't look impressed.

"Zethrid, she said a KITTEN. None of these are kittens."

"Hey," Ezor said, "I may be the lord of the known universe, but at least I'm open-minded." She turned to her first-most-trusted advisor. "Acxa, did you really want a kitten that badly?"

"I think I'll be fine."

"Zethrid, get Acxa a kitten. With, like, whiskers and pointy ears and a twitchy tail."

Zethrid draped Mooka over Ezor's shoulders.

"Okay, take care of them while I'm gone."

* * *

She returned a while later.

"Here," she put a tiny kitten into Acxa's hands. "Your very own Kova Junior."

"Oh my gosh, he's CUTE," Ezor cooed. "You really know how to pick 'em."

"I'm not your number two advisor for nothing."

The kitten began to purr.

"So what about you, Number One Advisor? What do YOU think?"

Acxa stared for a while, a strange expression on her face.

"You know this doesn't fix anything," she said at last.

"Fix?" Ezor said. "You think I'm trying to fix something?"

"I don't know WHAT you're trying to do anymore."

"I'm trying to move on to something new," Ezor said. "Because I know we CAN'T fix anything. But we can pick ourselves up and move on."

Acxa handed back the kitten.

"I don't want him."

"What?" Zethrid caught the squirming kitten. "But he doesn't even LIKE me as much as you! Listen, he stopped purring!"

"I just don't want it."

"Hey, hon," Ezor touched Acxa's arm. "You know what? NONE of us wanted ANY of this. I didn't want it to be ME. And I didn't want it to be just US. I wish everything could just go back to the way it was. And I know you do, too, I know you're upset."

Acxa's fist tightened.

Ezor put her arms around her.

"It's okay, you know," she said. "You don't have to pretend it doesn't hurt."

"I'm fine," Acxa said.

She was crying into Ezor's shoulder.

Ezor held her and waited.

* * *

"Acxa, it's nothing personal, but you're being demoted to number two trusted advisor. Zethrid, you're number three."

"What?" said Zethrid. "Why?"

"Because I've found a new number one."

Ezor gestured to the form beside her.

"YOU LOOK DISPLEASED," it said in a monotone. "WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT."

"That's… just a sentry robot," Acxa said.

"Well, that's where you're wrong," said Ezor. "Check this out. Knock knock!"

The robot turned to her.

"WHO'S THERE."

"Your emperor."

"YOUR EMPEROR WHO?"

"Your emperor who's telling you to show them you're not just an average sentry bot!"

"THIS JOKE IS HILARIOUS," said the robot. "BECAUSE NOBODY IS ACTUALLY KNOCKING ON A DOOR."

"Is it… laughing?" Acxa said.

"Yeah, weird, right?" Ezor said, adjusting her cape.

"You really think he's smarter than me?" Acxa said a little indignantly.

"Not necessarily, but I DO have my priorities, you know?"

Acxa started slowly.

"As your… number TWO most trusted advisor…"

"Hang on, Acxa," Ezor said, checking a reading. "Look at that, there's a coup sending a fleet right now. What should we do, Funbot?"

"BLOW THEM UP WITH THE MORTONIUM RAY. IT MAKES THE MOST SPARKLES."

"You know what, I DO like him," Zethrid said.

"I LIKE YOU TOO."

"Here you go, Funbot, push the button!" Ezor said.

They had a spectacular view of the show.

"I'm telling you," Ezor said in the glow, "we'll figure this stuff out. And we'll have sparkles, and we'll have US. It's gonna be a good time."

Zethrid grinned with all her teeth. Acxa smiled, just a little.

"Vrepit sa."


End file.
